The Present

Besides being broke, overdrawn on my account, on the verge of eviction and pissing off a few users that like to say their friends... We've all known them and the economy is shit! SAG... bad timing. Maybe wait till everyone can negotiate the same deal, the I'm not getting fucked over deal. Things are pretty great!

Mercury is out of retrograde. So where have I been the last 7 almost 8 months. Well, lets start with the present. I'm coasting by. Literally, with my head just above water. I've done months of research and have spiritually grown. I have new eyes. I'm recognizing bullshit sooner then later. And it's everywhere. I'm learning to block it and keep from attracting it.

I convince myself last month that I was quitting Make-up for good. Things had dried up for me almost instantaneously. It's been a month and I know it will work out it always does. But you can't help but panic. I've been looking for a job for about 3 weeks. Even went back to the department store and had the most hostile interview of my life... I keep smiling. Even when they asked me to stay for an hour and audition. I kept smiling. I hard when you know your value. You know what your worth and the thought of working to get by doesn't bother you it's the lifer at their menial jobs aka careers that despise your success. So, while I was on the verge of giving up my career because it was too hard. And I'm so tired of being fucking broke it hurts. I did get a phone and what a fiasco. You want advice on a phone... a phone service. Just ask me. And through it all... you know what I decided to go with.. Boost Mobile. It's been fine. That's a whole other blog. Anyways, where was I... Oh yes Quitting this fucked up business that's supposed to be resign proof. Double wammy STRIKES. If you can survive this you can survive anything. So, I broke down a few weeks back just had to cry and cry my eyes out. It was such a release. I feel like I should have wailed some more. I had to step back and ask myself if I'm doing what I think is right and I'm doing everything... Maybe something else would work better... I need to be more adaptable and change when I need to. A friend of mine said, "You're not failing but the industry is failing you." Do you know two weeks ago during my pout with depression, I received a"Certificate of Commendation" from the City of Los Angeles for my commitment to empower, promote and mentor women in the entertainment and media industries.

So, the present I've realized that negative wave are now propel out of my reality. I'm through with feeling bad, being used, feeling like a failure or a loser. DONE.

Ancient secret.
"The past is history, the future a mystery, the present is a gift – that’s why it’s called the present."